Sunday, January 20, 2008

My backpack

On Saturday I was at a women's seminar at church. We were talking about righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Each of the four speakers really had some wonderful things to say that brought me peace. In particular Sheri said something that really helped me.

She talked about a particular person who holds a grudge. Before I start holding the grudge I am partying in God's presence, worshiping and basking in His love. Then someone (or something) does something that makes me mad. I put it in a backpack and start carrying it around. Every couple of days I put another rock in my backpack that reminds me of this grudge, until I am completely weighed down by it. I also then find that I am outside of God's presence- He's really far away. When I realize my sin, I need to run back to his party circle and return to worshiping.

My backpack last year was full of rocks about my house. I subconsciously knew the whole time that I was doing this, but I never really gave up that backpack until Saturday. I had lots of reasons to be displeased by my house. I could list them for you but that would be counterproductive. I would go around and complain to all my friends (sorry friends!) about the travesties of my life. It really distracted me from my real reason for this life and made me miserable. My backpack got so full that I would get so tired of talking about it, and so weary of carrying it. And yet it was still there. I couldn't put it down! I couldn't give it away and come back into God's presence.

Finally on Saturday I realized what I was doing. THIS HOUSE DOESN'T MATTER. I am thankful for it, and for the shelter and comfort it brings me. I am thankful for Joel and the hard work he does to provide for us. But when my house starts to distract me from God, and when I start to resent friends and family for how their houses are so much prettier they are, I want to try to remember this backpack and how heavy it was.

Ironically this realization also helped me to make decisions about decorating and helped me be able to paint my kitchen on Sunday.

Please remind me when you hear me talking about this backpack. Help me remember that this backpack is not what this life is about. Help me throw it to the ground and run back to God's circle.


Angela O. said...

Yes, we should be thankful for the shelter but ultimately the house doesn't matter too much. It's funny, though, I would love your house - you have so much more room than we do and your schools are good. But I love my corner lot on a hill. So it just all depends on how you look at things and no carrying around that backpack. Thanks for the lesson.

BP said...

Thank you for sharing this lesson you learned. I like the backpack analogy.